One of the greatest challenges in this class was choosing
what to write about for each assignment. And then came the execution, which was
even harder. I wanted my personal journalism rewrite to be a Modern Love piece
about my Dad, but I felt completely overwhelmed, like I needed a month to just
think about our relationship. I wanted to do it right. With all my pieces I had
this sort of obsession with doing things justice. Like when I wrote about the
gentrification of Pilsen. That neighborhood is so close to my heart that if I
didn’t convey all of its sounds and smells and activities the way I experience
and idolize them, I would feel like I wronged the place. The same went for
writing about my Dad. I couldn’t get that essence of my Dad and me on the page,
so I didn’t follow through with it. I thought my Dad deserved better and it was
my responsibility to communicate our lives together honestly. The written words
had to be as emotional as me speaking about him.
For the first time ever in my writing process, I talked to
myself out loud. When I decided to write about my high school boyfriend, I had
to talk myself through the relationship. I asked myself who I am now, and who I
was back then. I feel as if I grew tremendously as a writer in this class, but
as a person, too. That’s not just because I went through an emotional time
thinking about my Dad and an ex-boyfriend and realized just how special Pilsen
is me; at one point in both of those writing processes, I wanted to crack. I
doubted what I could do as a writer. I hit writer’s block every time I started
or revised a piece and thought about dropping the class. I guess it’s because I
always thought one of my best skills is my writing, and in a time in my life
when I’m really questioning my passions, I don’t want to struggle with finding
the right words because I thought I had that covered.
This has been a challenging quarter emotionally. I knew I
couldn’t let what’s going on in my persona life get in the way of focusing on
my subjects, but sometimes it did and sometimes that emotion benefited my
writing in cool ways. If I could devote so much time thinking about and
analyzing the events of my life, I could reflect that same way about my high
school relationship or Pilsen or religion on campus. The way I want my words to
appear on the page has changed, too. I’m more intentional about those words
now, and what details I will give, and how I paint my characters. I’m aware of
my voice. Most importantly, though, I want to be really honest in my writing. I
want Pilsen to sound amazing because it is
amazing, and I want my Dad to sound like the most wonderful person on this
earth because he is, and I want that high school relationship to sound messy
because that’s what really happened. I’m definitely more honest with myself
now. I don’t want to exaggerate any experiences or feelings or sights because
that doesn’t make me feel like I’ve accomplished anything, even if it sounds
good.
